Beyond the Facade: What It Means to Be a Dom

Just as submission is often misunderstood, the concept of Dominance suffers from similar distortions. Far too many men proclaim themselves as "Doms" or "Masters" without a real grasp of what true authority and control entail. They mistake aggression for power, or worse, see BDSM as nothing more than an excuse to exploit.

In reality, Dominance is an art—a balance of authority, respect, and understanding of the flow and dynamics within BDSM. It’s not simply about giving orders or wielding power. In my experience, few of those who claim the title truly live up to it.

Dominance is Earned, Not Granted

I firmly believe that true Dominants, like submissives, are born, not made. Being an Alpha Male is an intrinsic part of who You are—it’s woven into Your nature. But make no mistake: being born a Dom doesn’t mean you can simply wave a magic wand and expect subs to drop to their knees at Your feet.

Authority and control are earned. A true sub can spot genuine dominance in an instant—and just as quickly, they can see through the flimsy facade of a pretender. If your first interaction involves barking orders or demanding obedience simply because You call Yourself "a Dom," the sub will see it for what it is: an act. At best, they might humor You for the sake of a good fuck, but they won’t truly submit.

True dominance isn’t about yelling, insulting, or issuing demands at random. That approach doesn’t command respect—it alienates. Dominance is about leading, guiding the sub into a space where they feel Your control and authority. It’s about taking them on a journey into submission, one where they are ready to be trained, shaped, and brainwashed into serving You completely.

This isn’t achieved through a Grindr or Recon message. Real authority is shown, felt, and proven—not typed in capital letters or performed with empty words. Dominance is a presence, a connection, a force. Earn it, and the sub will follow willingly. Pretend, and they’ll see through You every time.

Be Respectful

Being a Dom is not at odds with being respectful. In fact, respect is foundational in the BDSM world—for both the sub and the Dom. Without it, there is no trust, and without trust, there is no true power exchange.

When it comes to your sub, respect begins with understanding and honoring their limits. A sub offers you their submission, but it’s your responsibility to know their boundaries and guide them beyond them over time. One of the most beautiful aspects of a D/s dynamic is helping a sub grow—training them to break through their limits and become the best version of themselves. To do this, you must first observe them, understand their fears, their needs, and their weaknesses.

Respect doesn’t end with your sub. It extends to other Doms as well. Just because you are a Dom does not exempt you from the basic etiquette of interacting with others. A sub who belongs to another Dom is in a relationship—one that, in my opinion, often runs deeper than most conventional partnerships. To attempt to "steal" a sub from another Dom is one of the most disrespectful acts you can commit. Not only does it show desperation and insecurity—you couldn’t get a sub of your own—but it also speaks volumes about the sub’s integrity. A sub who betrays their Master’s trust will inevitably do the same to you.

If you’re training your subs properly, they shouldn’t feel the need to look elsewhere. They will come to you openly if they receive inappropriate offers from other Doms, confident in the bond you’ve built with them.

Doms Are Not Whores

By now, I hope you’ve learned not to trust everything you see on Instagram or TikTok. That so-called "digital nomad blogger" traveling the world? He’s likely a guy on sabbatical, living off savings, renting a $300 apartment in Chiang Mai, and eating $1 meals. Next year, he’ll be back home working as a bank clerk, but not before he tries to sell you a guide on "how to travel through Southeast Asia like a pro."

In the BDSM world, the equivalent to these influencers are the so-called "Cash Masters" or "Cash Doms." Let me make something very clear: while I understand the thrill of receiving gifts or money from a submissive, selling your dominance, authority, or even your dick online or offline does not make you a Dom. It makes you a whore. And whores are not Alpha Males—they are inferior beings to Me.

Like IG influencers, most of these so-called "Cash Doms" are pretending. Out of thousands attempting to make a living this way, 99% are barely scraping together a hundred dollars a month. Is that "dominance" worth it? You need to ask yourself if that kind of exchange is truly meaningful.

As a sub, don’t fall for someone flashing photos of their feet or sharing photoshopped screenshots of how much "cash" they’ve received. Ask yourself: Is this exchange helping you grow as a submissive? Or are you just enabling someone who lacks true authority?

If you want to show appreciation for a Dom—if you feel the need to tribute or offer gifts—I understand and respect that. But do it right. Find a Dom worthy of your devotion, someone you can trust and respect (spoiler, He won't be asking for it). The financial exchange, when done correctly, will be just a small fragment of something much greater: your submission to a real Dom who earns your loyalty.

Don’t Be Afraid of Being a Human Being

One of the biggest mistakes a Dom can make—one that most of us fall into early on—is wrapping yourself in an aura of invincibility. Portraying yourself as a godlike figure: invulnerable, indestructible, untouchable, and perfect. It might work for a while, but that facade will eventually crumble like a house of cards.

We are human beings. Yes, even us Doms. We are not exempt from vulnerability. We go through hard times, get sick, struggle, and sometimes need help. Pretending otherwise is not only unsustainable but also detrimental—for you, and for the D/s dynamic.

A true sub won’t respect you more for being a parody of a Tom of Finland cartoon. Quite the opposite. Showing yourself as a human being, with flaws and imperfections, makes you real in their eyes—and more worthy of their respect.

Beyond that, the pressure of maintaining this illusion of invulnerability can take a heavy toll on your mental health. Life throws challenges at all of us, and carrying the weight of a fake superiority while navigating those challenges will eventually break you.

Don’t be afraid to be human, to show vulnerability, to be honest with your subs. Let them see the man behind the dominance. It won’t make them run—it will make them stay. You may even find that they respect you more for it, because at the end of the day, true submission is built on trust, not pretense.

Learn and enjoy

Being a Dom—training a sub (or several) to become better slaves under your feet—is a beautiful, transformative journey. But remember: it’s a marathon, not a sprint. Just as a beginner sub knows little about BDSM dynamics and must learn over time, the same applies to You as a Dom. Nobody expects You to know everything right away.

Don’t be afraid to learn or ask questions—even from Your subs. Doing so won’t diminish Your authority; it will show Your sub that You care about doing things the right way. Seek out a community, surround Yourself with others who understand the dynamics, and learn from their experiences. I'm still learning after more than 20 years.

Don’t be fooled by social media—it’s the porn of BDSM. The fantasies You see may or may not reflect reality. Your journey isn’t about imitating those staged scenarios; it’s about discovering and fulfilling Your own desires in the real world.

Above all, enjoy it. In my experience, there is nothing quite like the thrill of dominating and owning an inferior sub. The connection that emerges from the natural hierarchy between Dominant and submissive is unmatched. Savor the journey and relish the privilege of standing at the top of that hierarchy.